On the idea of friendships forming when that isn’t the explicit goal of a gathering, I think this is also why Twitter is (was) a great way to find friends, since it’s not explicitly optimizing for that.
Instead, you bump into the same people regularly and get a sense of their vibe snd become familiar with them (or at least their persona).
The amount of brilliant and unrelenting insights on this post is mind-blowing. I love the blend of the spiritual with the philosophical, the practical and the cultural, all coming together to form a coherent vision of life. Truly amazing. You’ve demonstrated every definition of what an ‘essay’ or more broadly good writing should and can do.
On a deeper note, I've thought often about the figurative dances of making friends and finding a partner. One overarching observation is that the deepest, most long-lasting friendships and romantic relationships seem to stem from encounters that weren't explicitly designed for friend-making or dating, but given so very many factors*, bonding without such intentionality seems less and less likely nowadays. And conversely, the context of explicit pairing attempts (as potential friends / soulmates / partners) seems so wrought with potential misalignments in intent, perception, and desire as to make it a lot less stressful to simply withdraw (at least in the short-term).
I'm glad I'm old enough that I made a bunch of friends before a lot of this awkwardness took root!
* re challenges in making and deepening friendships... there are factors you've regularly touched on, like the decay of third spaces... and then also the lack of religious-affiliations and activities, increased time spent online (procrastination-scrolling, doom-scrolling, virtue-signaling), and an unpleasant bifurcation of communication whereby paradoxically jerks feel emboldened to be crass while decent folks feel afraid to approach others vulnerably and with kind directness. But I digress :)
Much of your post resonated with me, but I had a light-hearted chuckle at the part about aliens observing gym culture. I've made mini-posts on this pondering in the past, imagining just how wacky the whole thing is.
Alien1: "Human is picking up heavy object. But it does not appeal, so he has placed it back on the ground"
Alien2: "But he is picking up the same object again. Perhaps he is reconsidering..."
Alien1: "No, it is the same displeasure or disappointment; he has put it down again, and now he is making weird utterances and is clearly stressed and expending valuable life energy..."
[and then I can only imagine what aliens would think about our treadmills...]
Well written. I like this format of Substack posts. Lots to chew and reflect on to come back to later
On the idea of friendships forming when that isn’t the explicit goal of a gathering, I think this is also why Twitter is (was) a great way to find friends, since it’s not explicitly optimizing for that.
Instead, you bump into the same people regularly and get a sense of their vibe snd become familiar with them (or at least their persona).
The amount of brilliant and unrelenting insights on this post is mind-blowing. I love the blend of the spiritual with the philosophical, the practical and the cultural, all coming together to form a coherent vision of life. Truly amazing. You’ve demonstrated every definition of what an ‘essay’ or more broadly good writing should and can do.
On a deeper note, I've thought often about the figurative dances of making friends and finding a partner. One overarching observation is that the deepest, most long-lasting friendships and romantic relationships seem to stem from encounters that weren't explicitly designed for friend-making or dating, but given so very many factors*, bonding without such intentionality seems less and less likely nowadays. And conversely, the context of explicit pairing attempts (as potential friends / soulmates / partners) seems so wrought with potential misalignments in intent, perception, and desire as to make it a lot less stressful to simply withdraw (at least in the short-term).
I'm glad I'm old enough that I made a bunch of friends before a lot of this awkwardness took root!
* re challenges in making and deepening friendships... there are factors you've regularly touched on, like the decay of third spaces... and then also the lack of religious-affiliations and activities, increased time spent online (procrastination-scrolling, doom-scrolling, virtue-signaling), and an unpleasant bifurcation of communication whereby paradoxically jerks feel emboldened to be crass while decent folks feel afraid to approach others vulnerably and with kind directness. But I digress :)
Much of your post resonated with me, but I had a light-hearted chuckle at the part about aliens observing gym culture. I've made mini-posts on this pondering in the past, imagining just how wacky the whole thing is.
Alien1: "Human is picking up heavy object. But it does not appeal, so he has placed it back on the ground"
Alien2: "But he is picking up the same object again. Perhaps he is reconsidering..."
Alien1: "No, it is the same displeasure or disappointment; he has put it down again, and now he is making weird utterances and is clearly stressed and expending valuable life energy..."
[and then I can only imagine what aliens would think about our treadmills...]